The Purity of a Fresh Start



We have snow! I love it so much.

What can I say? Just writing on here last night and getting some support from strangers really helped me into thinking about the whole recovery thing again. I was watching Minute to Win It because I was bored like crazy, and there were these two best friends. And I immediately thought of how beautiful one of them was. Then I was actually looking more specifically (not in a weird way), and I realized she wasn't skinny (not fat either). You know what? She was really a perfect size to me. And guess what? She really was close to the size I used to be. That really hit me like a train to think that I may have never been fat (not saying that I haven't, but I am trying to look at myself differently). Yeah, I know people never thought I was big, but I never listened. My point is, I'd rather be happy and actually be the size what I think is pretty (even if I only think that size is pretty on someone else) than depressed and always strive to be skinnier. Okay, it's not gonna be that easy. And I'm still not convinced to start recovery yet. I will keep you guys updated!
I don't know what it is, but today I have been--for the first time in a very long time--actually happy. It may have been from having snow 7.4" deep (we never get snow), but I think it was more than that. I have also prayed today, which was the first time in many months. I lost my faith this year and beyond, and I realize that it is probably why I have relapsed and possibly even relied on my eating disorder. Whatever the case, I have felt really good today and kinda felt even pretty.
Thanks for all the support out there! Talk soon.