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My latest photo, me kinda showing off my goofy side
(which hasn't happened in a long time). |
Sorry for the long wait on an update! I have been sick. I always get sick because of this disorder! I actually went to the doctor because it had gotten really bad. My female doctor wasn't in, so I had to see the male doctor (I don't like male doctors).
"You have a virus. I'll give you some medicine, but I don't think it will help." Gee, I had no idea I had a virus! Oh, and thank you so much for medicine that probably won't help. I really appreciate it! I am still kind of sick, but it's mainly just my throat. I always tend to have a lingering cough and sore throat even weeks after sickness.
Anyway,
I am on recovery! I have been for a little over a week now. My emotions are
intense! I will be steaming mad, then a minute later I will be laughing like a clown. Next thing you know, I am sad. I am on an emotional roller coaster! But as far as my body, it seems that the weight is going to my stomach. I'm guessing I'm kind of bloated right now? But it sucks that the weight has to be my stomach, since that is where I am the most self-conscious (and a root to my eating disorder, as I always wanted those "perfect abs"). But I am making sure to wear larger tops and just to avoid looking at my tummy as much as possible. I am also trying to avoid looking at any super-skinny people that I see on TV or other entertainment. All they do is make me more depressed, since I am not that strong yet. I actually made a quote out of nowhere yesterday:
"A person's beauty is like a bag of M&M's. Sure, the design of the bag is nice, but what everyone finds the most attractive is what's inside it." I don't know how I came up with that, but I did! And I really like it. I even submitted to a quote application, and it says I have many hits and that people have sent it to others, so that makes me happy that something I said is liked by others.
Another thing is that I am going to see a counselor (female, thank God) in a couple days. I am very nervous about the whole idea of having to talk about me and my selfishness, but we'll see how it goes. I am trying to be open (which seems to be a problem of mine). I will keep you all posted, and have an amazing day!
Love that QUOTE!! it's so true! it seems to me you're doing great! Having thoughts and feelings bunched up inside you will make you sick. I'm so happy you're on your way to a full recovery! Congrats, Stef :)
ReplyDeleteWow! You said you weren't very strong yet, but by hearing what you had to say in this post shows that you are tremendously strong! I am so proud to hear that you are doing better. Gosh, it takes so much & it's nice to hear of others who have been diagnosed with anorexia are willing to work and do well for themselves. It's very nice to hear that. I wish you the very best and I truly think what you are doing is more than amazing, especially the courage of you sharing your recovery to others that is so inspiring and I'm ecstatic to finally see an anorexic patient blog about recovery rather than the millions of "Pro-ana" bloggers. I think what you're doing takes so much courage and strength. I'm so glad that you're learning to accept your body. I know how hard that is! I stay away from all the airbrushed women. lol & When I happen to see it on TV or at a checkout line, I remind myself that those women are airbrushed! If it helps, try taking a peek at one of those mags at checkout lines that show the celebs flaws. That might make you feel better when times are tough, sounds crazy, but whatever works, right?
ReplyDeleteI say Great Job to you and CONGRATS! Keep up the good work.
Stefanie:
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you love the quote! Yes, it's never fun and I am learning to release them. Thank you for the support, seriously. :)
Kendra:
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really don't know much more to say. I thank you so much for the support you have given me, it truly means a lot to me! I also hate all those "pro-Ana" crap... why is there anything like that anyway? And that is some good advice! I like it ahahhaa. :D
wow..i like your posts n your quotations..keep it on..=)
ReplyDelete