I Do Declare, How Dare You?!

Another picture from last week. It goes with the post title.

I've had it! I am so ticked off at everything wanting to lose weight. There are so many pressures in this culture. Every where you turn, there's "diet tricks" and crap. I hate all this "obese awareness" more than anything. I think somebody knows if they're overweight, so don't try to make them feel worse than they are. That pressures you to turn to Ed. A lot of the obese awareness is directed to kids nowadays more than anything. I think know kids already have bad self-esteem. Ugh! When they say "obese," they're obviously not realizing that kids don't understand what obese is (because of the bad self-esteem), they think that whatever obese is, they're it (I would know). That's why there's so many Ed victims. Did all those weight-loss activists realize that there's a much higher risk dying losing weight than gaining? Yes, I realize there's more to anorexia than losing weight, but that is how it starts (for me, at least). I wish I could raise more awareness on Ana and other eating disorders. And not show the supper-skinny ones that are half the weight they're supposed to be (for me, that actually encouraged me; they were my thinspiration). I would like to show the ones that most may not even expect have a eating problem. There are so many of them in this world, and no one even knows it. I want to reach out to those people and give them a hug. They need it. If you are victim, please know that I would love to talk, if you need it. I really care! I am going to add a contacts page soon, so anybody with this problem (or just wanna say hi), can write to me personally.

Now for another vent...
Ana has been hitting me harder than ever (since I have been in recovery, that is). I am automatically thinking, if I skip this, I can eat this. I was trying to eat at least 1,200 calories each day (the bare minimum, as my doctor says), now I am back down to about half of that. Not to mention I am exercising a lot more, too. So I have the net calories of less than 200. Way better than before I started, but not even close to good for my recovery plan. I am mad that I am just allowing it! I really have been thinking of counseling. It scares me, because I never believed in therapy and all that, but I am willing to be brave about it and see how it is. Maybe it will help a little.

Done with the venting. Sorry about that! So did you ever do what I told you? You know, look in the mirror, show your abs, and tell yourself you look great. You better have! If not, then do it now. And guess what? I have another dare! Go up to your close friend or a family member (that isn't judgmental), show off your abs, and say, "Feel my tough abs. Super strong!" It's fun; I do it myself all the time. Matter of fact, I even drew a Chester cat (with a tongue sticking out, and I used my belly button as the nose) on my abs, and showed them off the whole night. I like to dare myself to do stuff that scares me, and I encourage you to do so as well. Doesn't matter what others think. Do it for yourself. And have fun!
By the way, we have a new page, Meal Plans. The meal plan I wrote in it is from the last post. And like I said, I am working on a Contacts page as well.

Have a good day, Beauts! :)

Ninja Secret Foods Revealed

A few days ago at the mall. Hearts to you, gorgeous ones!

A lot of people wanna know what is a good meal plan for us that are trying to get back to normal but can't handle the heavy and large foods. This isn't recommended, but I am doing my recovery without any help. So, after a lot of fails and stomachaches, I figured out a pretty good meal plan that didn't give me any bad after-effects, but taste pleasant and are pretty good for you. I now hand you my meal plan in hopes it will help you.

. . . . . .

Breakfast:

• Luna Caramel Nut Brownie protein bar
  Calories: 180; fat: 50; nutrition facts
• Maxwell House Mocha Latte with Kroger Heavy Whipping Cream
  Calories: 50; fat: 15; nutrition facts | calories: 50; fat: 50; nutrition facts

Lunch:

• One slice of Sunbeam white bread with Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter and Great Value Strawberry Preserves
  Calories: 70 fat: 07; nutrition facts | calories: 190; fat: 130; nutrition facts | calories: 50; fat: 0; nutrition facts
• Kroger Tiny Pretzel Twists (about 05)
  calories: 28; fat: 02; nutrition facts

 Dinner:

• One cup broccoli, microwaved
  Calories: 31; fat: 03; nutrition facts
• Sliced green tomato, microwaved
  Calories: 28; fat: 02; nutrition facts
• Kroger Tiny Pretzel Twists (about 05)
  calories: 28; fat: 02; nutrition facts
• Kroger Salted Cashews (about 10)
  Calories: 80; fat: 60; nutrition facts
• Kraft Velveeta cheese (02 oz) and Kroger whole milk
  Calories: 160; fat: 100; nutrition facts | Calories: 50; fat: 23; nutrition facts
•  King's Hawaiian Sweet Bread (to sweep up the rest of the cheese)
  Calories: 168; fat: 35; nutrition facts 

  Dessert/Snack:

• Kroger marshmallows (about 02), roasted over stove
  Calories: 50; fat: 0; nutrition facts

Total:

• Breakfast
  Calories: 280; fat: 105
• Lunch
  Calories: 338; fat: 189
• Dinner
  Calories: 545; fat: 225
• Dessert/Snack
  Calories: 50; fat: 0
• Complete Day
  Calories: 1,213; fat: 519

I realize that the dinner seems scary, but it actually is my favorite of everything (even if the calories scare me a bit). You have vegetables, fruit, nuts, carbs, dairy, cheese, protein, etc. and the best part... it's not a large plate, very light (make sure you put a good amount of milk in your cheese, so it's not heavy), tastes awesome, and makes you feel good afterward.
I found a cool calorie tracker here (you can visit my profile here). I recommend it to keep track so you don't go under how many calories you should have (if you go over, that's good! Don't get mad at yourself if you do. That's a no-no.). It will calculate what it thinks how many calories you should have each day. It gave me 2,200 calories, but I edited to 1,200 calories, since my doctor told me that's the minimum I should have each day (yes, she said that I should be having 2,000... but I am going to just do the smallest I can right now, until I mature mentally and physically). I also am rather active still (I can't go cold turkey), which means I am supposed to be adding extra calories to that, which this site helps calculate that. That part isn't easy, but if you eat some nuts or carrots with ranch or even a high-calorie drink, it will help you get back on track.
A good tip is to add variety to your meal plans so you don't get bored. Experiment a little. Change up some things. I love cayenne pepper, so I add that to many of the recipes. Another good thing is to have a sweet a day, like a chocolate block or something like that. I just discovered Butterfinger Snackerz and I have fallen in love with them! I like to only limit myself to one sweet a day, so I don't feel icky afterward. One good thing (for us) is that if you are low on calories and your stomach cannot handle anything large, a sweet (like a chocolate block) will add some pretty high calories fast. Make sure not to buy low-calorie candies! They don't even taste as good, anyway.
Remember to drink lots of water! I love water plus herbal tea. If you ever get a stomachache, drink iced water and hot herbal tea, and it will help tremendously. Just remember not to let Ana get to you and try to fill up on those. Remember that they have no calories, so it won't do much for your plan.
Don't take laxatives! I realize it's a huge temptation, but don't. Don't purge! Another huge temptation, especially when you have a stomachache. Don't worry about binging! Okay, that one was (still is) pretty much impossible for me. I was so scared I would eat too much and too many calories, making me skip meals and not get enough calories. Keep those negative ideas out, girl!
I guess that's it! Have a nice, hungry day. Remember: Beauty isn't about how skinny you are. You are beautiful.
Oh, one last thing: I want you to look in the mirrior today, show off your abs, and say "Dude, I am gorgeous!" (I don't care if you believe it or not or if you have Ana problems or not, just do it.) I will do the same. Ta-ta!

P.S. The song is now working! Go have a listen.

Double Zero is the Super Hero

Today at the mall. I hate feeling so fat!

Today was a shopping day! I was very aware of the people surrounding me and their physical appearance (not harshly, just to see all the different shapes are out there). Then something possessed me that every clothing store I would go in I would try a size down. You see, I have all the same jeans of before Ana and I met. I was a size three, barely. I was squeezing myself in them. Now, they're baggy and I have to keep pulling them up. I unsuccessfully tried to find a belt to fit me, but no luck. So, the first store I decided to try the size down (size one) was Hollister, Co. and when I went into the dressing room, I looked into the mirror and saw how rediculous my old jeans looked on me. Especially the backside of me; it looked like I had no butt! I had to laugh at myself. So I change into the size one jeans and I was surprised that they were pretty big on me. So I went to a store that was known for tighter jeans and tried on their "super skinnies" in size zero and they fit great! Then I came back and chose another pair, but in size double zero and normal. They fit! Seriously, just last year I would've laughed if you said I was gonna fit in a size double zero. I wonder what size I was a couple weeks ago when I was even skinnier. Oh well... it doesn't matter.
EDIT: The reason why I wrote this is because even though I feel like I gained all my weight back, it's obviously not true because of what I am able to wear. I am nervous that I will gain all the weight back though, and it terrifies me beyond belief.

Guess what? We have a new page and a new song on the playlist (though it isn't working, erg!)